I’m really missing my kitties right now. It got pretty tough last night I started crying. Just laying in bed I imagined Paul sleeping at my feet and little Marbles running up and meowing in my face. I wish they were here with me. It’s hard enough being heart-broken without the only living being who’s been there with me for the last fucked up five years not here. WIth the moving and the heart breaks and the melt downs, and even the good times, Paul was always there. I miss my boy and my little girl. They feel like my children, it’s going to be a hard few months. Hope I get a job soon to take my mind off things. Why do I have to be having second thoughts? I was so excited until you texted me, and then when I found out my kitties couldn’t come with. But it’s good I’m here, God planned this for a good reason. It sucks both my best friends are having a hard time in life right now, and me as well, but I came at a perfect time to be here for them. And I’m so glad for that. 

It’s so hard trying to let this go, I feel as though thoughts of you take up 90% of my thinking time. All I can imagine all day is having you here next to me. Waking up with me, getting ready for the day, running around with me, going out with me. Just being with me. I really hate it. I love you, but I hate how much I think of you. All I want to know is if you think of me this much too. I never thought it was possible to miss someone this much, especially after all this time. But I’ve proved myself wrong. This is going to be a really tough few months.